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Joke of the Day

"""When I think of you, there are some capital gains in my pants."" - sexy accountant pickup lines"

"What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him? Get off me holmes!"

"You may think it's a good idea to go to weight watchers to meet women... but actually the ones there are quite hard to pick up."

"If I Cuold Time Travel I wouldn't have dropped out of school"

"What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"The *real* reason Hitler lost the war. He forgot to put speed limits on his highways so the enemy vehicles could drive as fast as they wanted to."

"Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP"

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says, ""Spit out your gum"" and a train says, ""Choo, Choo, Choo."""

"YouTube: hey we saw u watched a video about a thing Me: great, would it be possible to fill my entire feed with that thing, forever?"

"Why does George R.R Martin never use Twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters."