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Joke of the Day

"I consider myself Christlike in that I refuse to believe my parents ever had sex with each other."

"As i lay in bed at night... As i lay in bed at night and stare up at the stars, i couldn't help but wonder, ""where the hell did my roof go"""

"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."

"Why didn't the atheist businesswoman make any money? She didn't believe in prophets."

"I am so much angry!!! I just might go Super Saiyan!!!"

"Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics? Because every mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America."

"Anti-vaxxers make me SICK! Or they would, if my parents were imbeciles"

"On the bus I was sitting on the bus and this super hot Thai girl gets on and sits next to me I think to myself ""Please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"" She did."

"Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I'd apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta."

"Cop: A ghost killed your family? Guy: Yes! Cop: Did u forward yesterday's spooky chain email to 5 ppl? Guy: No? Cop: Well there you go."