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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to the jungle. My name is Axl Rose. I think you'll find we run a pretty good jungle here. There's the toilet *points everywhere*"

"I keep trying to convince my grandmother to get a hearing aid... But she just won't listen"

"[pun] I wanted to be a personal trainer... But I was too scrawny and had to hand in my too weak notice. (Credits to Adrian, badass Chef)"

"How do churches stay so strong? They pray on the weak."

"What did the guitarist say to the magician... Pick a chord, any chord."

"A guy is at the doctors... The doctor tells him ""we're gonna need a stool sample, urine sample and a semen sample."" The guy says ""Doc, I'm kinda in a hurry, can't you just take my underwear?"""

"I just had a nice lunch in the park; homeless people don't have it so bad after all."

"What do fake news sites and porn subreddits have in common? No source."

"What did God say when he saw the first black person? Ooops, I burnt one!"

"* on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly."