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Joke of the Day

"I would like to think money won't change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil."

"Ever heard a band called 1023 Megabytes? Of course not. They haven't made a gig yet."

"I've heard muslims are bad in bed After the first scream they go off"

"Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets."

"What do phone books and women have in common? They both couldn't vote before 1920"

"What family history website do rednecks use? Incestry.com"

"What did the black kid get on his ACT? BBQ sauce"

"What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head? Getting sleighed."

"Going to Paris is like inverted anal sex. Wives are always trying to pressure their husbands into doing it."

"Gave my cat some almond milk and now she teaches hot yoga on Thursday nights."