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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*"

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it."

"I love kids...But stop making me hold your baby. Why are you letting people touch your new born?!? I don't let people touch my new iPhone"

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"Jared Fogle was guilty and got 16 years He was just grateful for anything under 18. Credit to SNL that joke might have converted me to watch."

"She was only a whiskey maker... ...but he loved her still."

"What do you call gungan served raw? Tartare Binks..."

"Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT Now it's just going to be called the T."

"I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake."

"Sex so vanilla Baskin-Robbins names an ice cream after it."