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Joke of the Day

"I used to be a senile UPS worker Shit I messed up the delivery"

"The only time I'm like ""maybe god is real"" is when I'm eating really really good nachos."

"Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn't be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn't waste thousands of them in the '80s throwing them at Mario."

"Do you know the difference between camping and molestation? No? In that case, do you want to go camping this weekend?"

"Dirty limerick... There was a girl from Peru Grammar to her was new She asked after the deed With her mouth full of seed Did I just blow or blew?"

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire"

"Do you want to hear a joke about sports cars? Are you sure? It contains spoilers!"

"1) put away your phone. 2 isn't that better? 3) take out your phone again. 4) isn't that better?"

"[playing pictionary] Her: A circle..a ring...a diamond ring...a diamond engagement ring...OMG YES I'LL MARRY YOU! Him: Its a door knocker."

"911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry."