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Joke of the Day

"I used to be a narcissist But now look at me"

"Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: ""Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?"" Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls (""like bagels, get it Dad?"")."

"Why did the stoplight turn red? You would too, if you had to change in front of all those people."

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbult? To get to the other side."

"What do choosy moms choose? abortion."

"your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt"

"Job interview: ""what would you say is your biggest achievement is to date"" ""I once wore a hat to bed and it was still on in the morning"""

"My teacher called me a procrastinator today. But I'd say I'm more of an amateurcrastinator considering none of my endorsement checks have come in yet."

"What's a Chinese chicken's favorite vegetable? Buock choi"

"PornHub removed my sex tape They told me to try Vine"