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Joke of the Day

"How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday ? Eat him on Saturday !"

"My mum's bf hates when I shorten his name to 'Dick'. Mainly because his name is Matthew."

"If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back."

"TIL A new study shows that women drivers often turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver, look out for women drivers."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile and 6 has children."

"Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok"

"I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week... He never called me back."

"I popped my dad's viagra now I'm hard as a motherfucker"

"What has 4 wheels and flies? /u/IDrewTheDuckBlue's car. [Credit.] (https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/3ez4sp/just_drove_from_california_to_illinois_with_a_fly/)"

"When I got my first pube, I left it under the pillow for the Pube Fairy. He came. All over my pillow."