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Joke of the Day

"I broke into your house and slept under your bed all night to protect you from the perverts out there."

"If only closed minds came with closed mouths."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is."

"Poor Caitlyn Jenner. She missed Mothers Day & Fathers Day."

"Me: Be back after lunch! Boss: OK Me: *texts boss APRIL FOOLS LOL* *goes home, turns on baseball*"

"(First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: WHATEVER THE DARK LORD COMMANDS"

"A french gymnast is getting ready to perform... His coach walks up and says, ""Break a leg!"""

"St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland."

"Treat me like a joke, and I'll leave you like it's funny."

"Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off."