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Joke of the Day

"Why are all these jokes about unhappy relationships? Said my wife as she looked over my shoulder. What a nosy fucking bitch."

"If South Carolina is the Game Cocks Their offensive line would be the cock blockers"

"A friend asked me to rate the movie ""Django"" I gave it a 3/5."

"My daughter just informed me that 75% of you follow me because of how I look. I'm not sure if I'm flattered or insulted."

"Homophobia is a sacred union between a man and his bigotry."

"I love my 5yr old dearly, but if he keeps saying ""Dark"" Vader I may have to sell him."

"Where does a Martian go for a drink? A Mars Bar"

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar QUICK! Bar the door and burn it down!"

"I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes My parents named me Michael but I totally looked like a Ryan"

"If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?"