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Joke of the Day

"I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex."

"What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery? uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!"

"What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book? In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care."

"A bodybuilder gets lost in the woods... And dies of starvation when he can't find his whey."

"Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk"

"Next time you wave, use all your fingers."

"GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move? G:like this*shimmies* S: G:just kinda*shimmies* S:dude"

"Bad pirate jokes! I'll start. What be a pirate's favorite restaurant? You'd think it was Arby's, but it's actually Long John Silver's."

"Why do people like r/citrus? It's sublime"

"Getting a text message from your ex is like getting a message from Satan on an Ouija board."