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Joke of the Day

"DAD: You know, no one in this city is allowed to be buried in that cemetery ME: Wtf why not? DAD: Because *locking eyes* they're still alive"

"yikes. don't google ""cream pies"", google ""cream pie recipes"""

"Why do French tanks have a rear-view mirror? To see the front"

"What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you? - My toddler, wooing the dog"

"I wasn't dancing. I was trying to connect to the wifi."

"[hotel] wife: I'm gonna go change. Find us a movie, ok? *winks* me: Ok! *wife comes out in lingerie* wife: What'd you pick? me: Space Jam"

"My Football coach got fired because he got accused on Pedophillia charges. But say what you want about the man, he could turn any young tight end into a wide receiver."

"Why do black people wear lots of chains? It's a habit that stuck from when they were slaves."

"What do you call it when someone forces you to watch them take their clothes off? A power strip."

"What's a skeleton's favorite dish? Spare ribs"