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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Scottish guy and Mick Jagger? One says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says ""Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"""

"What is this compound? Chemistry teacher drew this during class. http://imgur.com/fQyNg Don't know how to type spoilers, but maybe rot13 will do. Vg'f n cnenqbk."

"TIL about different subreddits. SHIT..."

"I can't RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event."

"double midget jokes god save me When to know to kick a midget's balls? Ans - When he's next to your girlfriend and he says ""Her hair smells nice."" What do you call a midget vampire? Ans - Cocksucker."

"What does C3PO stand for? Because he's got rusty knees."

"What's the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of babies? You can't unload a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork."

"[robbing Walgreens] Would you like to sign up for a Walgreens card? Youll save 30% on your robbery ""sure"" [guy behind me with 1 item] wtf"

"When life gives you AIDS... Make lemonAIDS"

"Oh, your kid gets straight A's at school? That's cool. My son knows exactly what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse."