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Joke of the Day

"Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer."

"I lost 100 pounds with this simple trick I gave it to charity"

"Am thinking of watching ""Les Miserables"". Am dying to find out why this dude Les is so sad. If I could just meet this Les guy and cheer him up, he'd be... (wait for it)... less miserable. :P"

"Harry Potter is actually an allegory about the emptiness of millennial hook up culture"

"A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded ""I don't post pictures of my food online"" and I think she believed me."

"You know what I like about bathroom humor? It's funny shit!"

"Where did William Tell take his garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump!"

"What do a pirate wench and an alcoholic have in common? They've both got a little Captain in them."

"Saw two jeeps crash into each other today. There were Dave Matthews Band CD's everywhere."

"Why was the whittler banned from his synagogue? Because he made his rabbi a little cross."