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Joke of the Day

"So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell."

"Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders? Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty"

"I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction."

"Why was the ghost sad on Halloween? He ain't have no boo"

"What was Helen Keller's favorite color? Velcro."

"What did the scarecrow say before committing suicide? ""That's the last straw!"" *^I'm ^sorry.* [UsagiMimi](http://www.reddit.com/user/UsagiMimi/) helped me refine the wording."

"Just kick higher, dammit! This isn't Rockette science."

"What do you call it when you talk to God? Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia."

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'"

"Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter? They were ravin' with Raven."