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Joke of the Day

"What did the scarecrow say before committing suicide? ""That's the last straw!"" *^I'm ^sorry.* [UsagiMimi](http://www.reddit.com/user/UsagiMimi/) helped me refine the wording."

"The other day the lifeguard told me to stop peeing in the pool... I got such a fright I nearly fell in."

"ME: Off to the concert with my friends WIFE: Say hi to everyone for me [later] ME [individually saying hi to 10,000 ppl] This is exhausting"

"I won't sit back and let gay people marry. But I'll let big oil melt the icecaps because I believe in a lil' something called freedom. #tcot"

"What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? A mechanic."

"Who may become a Prime Minister? Theresa may."

"New Jared Sub Subway has came out with a new sub this week called the Jared Sub. It is 37 year old salami sandwiched between 10 year old buns."

"Go down a water slide while it isn't wet and you'll understand why foreplay is so important."

"I put another shrimp on the barbie and now Ken is all pissed off."

"New Drinking Age in Alabama They raised the drinking age to 32 in Alabama to keep alcohol out of high schools."