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Joke of the Day
"Whats the fastest way to a women's heart? A Knife"
Next Joke
"I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride"
"""...said no one ever,"" said everyone ever."
"I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches."
"Why did the sex assault victim get triggered by the pear? Because pear in an anagram for rape."
"Might buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food."
"Pasta Diet 1.. You walk pasta bakery. 2.. You walk pasta candy store. 3.. You walk pasta Ice Cream shop. 4.. You walk pasta fridge."
"You can't joke with a kleptomaniac... They take everything, literally."
"On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire."
"I just met my 4 day old nephew yesterday, and today he acts like he doesn't even know me. Kids are assholes."