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Joke of the Day

"If I ever go missing, put up fliers saying I left a dog in a hot car so people will actually look for me."

"I made up a good one. Why do so many white people do meth? Nobody likes a cracker without salt. *I'm white*"

"I want to work in salon.. So I can get paid to give facials"

"A year ago, I likened Trump to an African dictator. Today, I think I owe African dictators an apology."

"Why is it called taking a shit? Cuz no one wants to say they're giving a shit."

"You can blame those ""meddling kids"" all you want. But let's face it. Your entire plan was to dress up like a ghost."

"Wait, so you're saying these booklets are FREE? THESE booklets? Filled with HUNDREDS of real estate listings? OK, WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE?"

"When a blonde goes to London on a plane how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row"

"I cleaned my fan today The difference it made just blew me away..."

"A Pixar movie about Marlin trying to put his son through fish college called Funding Nemo."