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Joke of the Day

"Am sorry boss, I know I said I'd do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job."

"Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don't worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about"

"I drop it like it's an expensive electronic device I've recently purchased."

"I bought a metronome recently, I left it in my car as I stopped at the bank machine for a minute, came back and it was gone, someone stole it but was caught... ...now I hear the thief is doing 2/4"

"A woman walks into a bar She walks up to the counter and says to the bartender, ""Gimme a double entendre."" So he gives it to her."

"Is Israel Real? if Palestinians eyes are real?"

"What language do British wrenches speech? Spanish!"

"I just got the biggest idea for a joke! Then I realized it was my dick. No seriously check this one out: ""I dont want to sound like an asshole, but ppfdrtrrtrt *fartnoises*"""

"Exposure has never been higher, tourism Sierra Leone created ebola... The most effective 'viral' marketing campaign of all time."

"So, today I woke up and asked my UK counterpart... ""Did you have eggs and bacon with your Brexit this morning?"""