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Joke of the Day

"Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don't worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about"

"ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don't you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one"

"What goes, ""Pieces of Nine, Pieces of Nine""? A parroty error"

"What does Diana stand for? Dead In A Nasty Accident."

"I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed."

"I can't stand Russian Dolls... They're always so full of themselves!"

"Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed the other day? What was her name, Reese... > Witherspoon? No, it was with a knife."

"Surprise your coworkers by hiding in the utility closet until you're dead."

"""Knock Knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Ghostbusters."" ""Ghostbusters who?"" ""Taco."" Courtesy of my 3-year-old."

"Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken Sedan."