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Joke of the Day

"The school called me on the phone today and said, ""Your son has been telling lies."" I replied, ""Well, tell him he's bloody good! I don't have no kids!"

"What do you get when you eat too much shitty pizza? Pizzeria"

"And The Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" ...but John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"Lucifer, chased by an angel, hid himself in the London Philharmonic Orchestra He was eventually found in the horns section."

"A naked Jew with an erection running at full speed hits a wall He breaks his nose."

"Why are gay men se well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing."

"Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween."

"Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain? Because it's either Sunni or Shiite"

"Lets give each other cute nicknames like, 'Plaintiff' and 'Defendant'"

"How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with ""A man once told me..."""