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Joke of the Day

"Me: How are you feeling Grandpa? Grandpa: Oh you know with my hands mostly."

"Friends invited me to a meteor shower party, but I couldn't make it. They were crushed."

"Special shout-out to various coworkers for keeping me warm during this chilly weather by wearing perfume that burns my eyes and lungs."

"what did mick jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together? hey, hugh, get off of mccloud."

"Damn girl, are you my accounting class? Because you really need more curves."

"What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey. What do you call a three-legged donkey with one eye? A winky-wonkey."

"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ""Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy."" She said, ""Why did you say that twice?"" I said, ""I didn't."""

"What is Samsung CEO's favorite movie Total recall"

"What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl in the 1940s? With a dustpan."

"Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden? Me out of breath with no shoes on: I'm not sure."