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Joke of the Day

"[Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* ""That's not true"""

"Just had a vegetarian meal with a nonalcoholic beverage at a restaurant whose produce are 80% locally grown. Feeling pretty smug."

"What clothes do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits."

"When I hear the word ""aftermath"" - it always makes me hungry. At school, lunch period followed Math class, so we ate ""aftermath"""

"Facebook etiquette: Thou shall not hold a conversation under someone's status post."

"""That was supposed to be a compliment."" -Men"

"So a dyslexic walks into a bra. . ."

"What do rappers use to write their lyrics? Word,yo."

"What do you call a Bible for the blind? The Holy Braille!"

"Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop"