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Joke of the Day

"Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol."

"Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?"

"What do you get when a fat guy and a butterface have sex? A Burka! He covers his body, and she covers her face!"

"""Drop it like it's hot,"" is my favorite song about dropping stuff that's hot."

"DEODORANT: ugh i hate my job, gotta go in his gross armpit all the time TOILET PAPER: bro"

"My OCD is so bad that, when someone falls asleep on a plane, I turn off their overhead light. And braid their hair."

"Why did the traffic light turn red? Because it saw the other one changing!"

"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""

"What's a man in a hurry like to drink? man-go juice!"

"I like my lovers like I like my golf score Hand drawn, messy, and totally unconvincing."