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Joke of the Day

"Broke Last night, a burglar broke into my flat looking for some money. I woke up and went with him to join him in the search."

"What's the definition of a period? A bloody waste of fucking time."

"Two cannibals have just finished dinner.. One says to the other, ""your wife made a wonderful meal"". The other one says, ""I know, I'll miss her very much"". Edit:typo Edit: your (obviously)"

"what's the worst part about having sex with your pets? A week later they pretend they don't even know you."

"How do I know I'm not Daniel Day-Lewis?"

"My Girlfriend is Like the square root of -100 A perfect ten, but completely imaginary."

"If you're afraid of elevators Take steps to avoid them."

"Why did Isis cover their bullets in butter? Because the French were toast! This is a joke I made up, along with an alternative : What do Isis eat for breakfast? French toast."

"Cleaning the Attic Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Hey - get out! We don't want your type in here!''"

"Bought an elephant for my friends So I bought my friends an elephant for their room. They said ""Thank you."" I said ""Don't mention it."""