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Joke of the Day

"Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips? For the Halibut."

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"What do you call a manager that hasn't grown up yet? A kidager"
"[therapist] what seems to be the problem? [her] he only hears what he wants to hear. It's awful [me] oh my god yes, I would love a waffle"
"What's Captain America's shield made out of? What's Captain America's shield made of? Vibranium. What's Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."
"Old classic light bulb. How many people on a beach does it take to screw in a light bulb? depends on how many survivors there are. too soon."
"Why did the cat put the letter ""M"" into the fridge ? Because it turns ""ice"" into ""mice"" !"
"Speechless This message has no content."
"Bitches be misusing helping verbs."
"""Well, you should have been more specific before I painted all these veins."" - designer of the Wienermobile"
"MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship"