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Joke of the Day

"""Well, you should have been more specific before I painted all these veins."" - designer of the Wienermobile"

"What's the difference between a chestnut and a walnut? Your aim."

"I went to visit my Grandpa... My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon."

"Who had the best dinner with Megyn Kelly after the Fox Republican Debate? Dracula."

"[After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to."

"I Saw a Jewish Ghost Last Night... I was so scared I started to shiva."

"What did the koalas say after getting in a fender bender? Eucalyptus."

"What's the difference between spit and swallow? A firm grip on the back of her head."

"If you think I'm an alcoholic... If you think **I'm** an alcoholic, you should see this guy Jesus he got hammered in my church once."