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Joke of the Day

"What did the dyslexic bank robber say when he robbed the bank? ""Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"""

"Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years"

"what do you call a 5 foot psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large."

"Went out for a jog today Thought I heard someone clapping for me. Turns out it was just my fat thighs."

"I got pretty cool moves while dancing... But they say, so do people with parkinsons."

"Twitter account is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account."

"I tried wrapping all the presents this year But I just don't have the gift."

"Kill two birds with one stone. Kill two birds with two stones. Kill as many birds with as many stones as you want. We must eradicate birds."

"What's something a gay man can't live without? Water"

"Only real 90's kids remember being called a lazy fucking millennial"