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Joke of the Day

"Husband: Have you lost weight? Me: About 10 lbs H: Who you trying to look good for? *wink M: You don't know him. He's on Twitter..."

"When deaf people want to interrupt each other, do they slap the other person's hands out of the way?"

"The Embarrassing Moment by Lucy Lastic"

"I just saw an onion ring. So I answered it."

"*gives date flowers* Here. I murdered these plants for you."

"What is the common enemy of frostbite victims and dairy products? Lack-toes Intolerance."

"Did you hear about the guy that used ivory butt plugs? He suffered from elephant-tight-ass."

"Two shoes met and.. They had a converse-ation."

"My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn"

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""