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Joke of the Day

"*gives date flowers* Here. I murdered these plants for you."

"[2 monkeys in a bath] Monkey 1: OOOHH OOHH AHH AHHH AHAH!! Monkey 2: If it's too hot Colin, put some cold water in"

"At school today, the teacher pointed to me with a ruler, The teacher said ""There is in idiot at the end of this ruler!"" So i asked ""Which end?"""

"If Batman gets to use a piece of Kryptonite against Superman, Superman should get to use a piece of Batman's parents. Fair is fair."

"Why are black people so tall? Because their kneegrows"

"Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send."

"The worst political jokes..... Are the ones that find themselves getting elected."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off"

"I don't get why I have to wash my hands after masterbating. It's not like my dick's been anywhere. Edit: yeah I suck at spelling. And it's supposed to mean I never have sex"

"Day 1 of being kidnapped. Kidnappers are now offering my husband a ransom to take me back. Husband is asking for more money."