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Joke of the Day

"When someone picks up your call after 3 or 4 rings you should know they were seriously contemplating letting you go to voicemail"

"You're never too old to learn something stupid."

"Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day i decided to get sober. And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I decided sobriety wasn't for me."

"Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark? The octopus because it is well armed."

"Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine? He knew better than to drink and derive."

"Did you hear about the gay termite? He ate the malebox"

"Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of ""going to the gym in 2013."""

"Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car? Because he had a cataract!"

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup"

"I bet some of the Crusaders were just random guys who refused to admit that they were lost."