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Joke of the Day

"What has holes in it, and travels down an alley? Batman: my parents?? Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!"

"drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?"

"In time, the dust settled, and the dust took a job it hated and married someone it could barely tolerate"

"A squiggly red line should appear under people who are wrong for you"

"Cashier: Will that be all? Me: No. I'm getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I've got so far."

"*turns on deep-fryer* *tosses in chicken nuggets* *adds chamomile and lavender* *recites from the Book of Shadows* Voila, Wiccan Nuggets"

"Men have feelings too. For example, sometimes we feel hungry."

"Why did I eat so much paste in kindergarten? It really stuck to my ribs."

"I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks."

"*spends 30 minutes trying to unzip my pants to have sex for the first time* *girlfriend sighs* ""Just take off the mittens"" MY HANDS ARE COLD"