6025

Joke of the Day

"What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts."

"Why was the man allergic to Christmas? Because it's the reason for the sneason."

"Now that Donald Trump having a real shot at the presidency, who is most afraid? Every Juan!"

"You know, we're not all that different from the Middle East You smoke weed here, you become stoned. You smoke weed there, you get stoned."

"The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is.. I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication."

"LPT - If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of uncooked rice overnight. The rice will attract Asian people who will then fix your phone. Tried, tested, true"

"[Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It's muggy out there. Guy: I'll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you."

"People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk - what do you do with all that time you saved?"

"My wife said i couldnt make a car out of spaghetti... should have seen her face when i drove pasta"

"Any salad can be a Caesar salad... If you stab it enough times."