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Joke of the Day

"Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound."

"Turns out, telemarketers don't like it when 5 year olds answer the phone and tell them princess Ariel stories."

"Did you hear One Direction is breaking up? They're heading separate ways."

"I asked a guy if he could hold my joke for me. guy ""Jokes aren't a thing, you can't hold them!"" me ""Wow, just can't take a joke can you."""

"My dad caught me sniffing at my sister's underwear ...while she was still wearing it. Everyone in the funeral couldn't believe what they were seeing"

"Life caught me caring and punished me accordingly."

"At the Last Supper... [At Last Supper] *Jesus raises bread* ""This is my body!"" *Jesus raises wine* ""And this is my blood!"" *Pulls out 9 of Clubs* ""And this is your card"" *Apostles go nuts*"

"wh is bhdiffrnece bet?wen corn it's the method"

"Did you hear about the Supreme Court ruling that you can marry a sandwich? Yeah, the BLT community are very excited!"

"some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]"