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Joke of the Day

"The inventor of the snooze button has passed away. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 8:00, 8:06, 8:11, 8:13, and 8:14."

"Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor's cat....she's out there rubbing up against it now"

"I just sneezed so violently, I think it qualifies as an ab workout. (Screw you, I'm counting it.)"

"What us the difference between white, brown and black people? The time God took to cook us"

"The life of a penis is a sad one.... His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"""I'm caught in a love hexagon."" - polygamists"

"I met a guy who said he could get a great deal on a pillowcase... turns out, it was a sham."

"The difference between 4Chan and Reddit. http://www.wwwdotcom.com/"

"I'm more afraid of the shitty music my family is going to play at my funeral than I am of dying."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted"