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Joke of the Day

"[tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend."

"Two monkeys get into a bath... The first monkey says: ""OOOO OOO AHHHH AHHHH AHHHH"". The second monkey says: ""Put some cold in then."""

"I like my coffee like I like my women... With my dick in it."

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynocologist? One looks up your family tree, and the other looks up your family bush."

"What is long hard and makes you cry. Your cell mate"

"United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes."

"'Tis the season to pull copious amounts of tinsel out of your dog's butthole."

"Dark humor is kinda like food. Not everybody gets it."

"I don't feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes... I finished mine over a year ago..."

"So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network."