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Joke of the Day

"So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network."

"My ex is having a really hard time moving on From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)."

"My girlfriend's brain is going 24/7... Like a 7/11, not anyways doing business but it's always open."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you chop up a hooker."

"My stats teacher told me I was average. I thought that was mean."

"""GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE"" KID: *goes kicking and screaming* TEEN: You can't do this, I have plans tonight ADULT: Thank you so much"

"Kanye running for president."

"english words that pitbull knows: -party -miami"

"Sometimes it's not about missing someone, it's about reloading and trying again."

"Chuck Norris... ...played a used game once... on the Xbox One."