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Joke of the Day

"There was a man watering his garden across the street at night. At first I thought he was pissing outside but after a realized he wasnt I said ""I thought you were peeing"" he said ""no I'm Chinese"""

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"What do you call a Dothraki mathematician? A Khal culator."
"Friend: check out my conscience shell Me: you mean conch? *holds up to ear* Shell: you saw those kids get in that van and you did nothing"
"As I spread my girlfriend's legs I thought to myself... This is the strangest thing I've ever had on toast."
"I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!"
"I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken."
"Therapist: do u communicate with your kids? Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?"
"What do you call a male trapped in a female body? A fetus"
"3 men walk into a bar... ...and the fourth one ducks."
"A group of crows framed my best friend for a crime he didn't commit I swear I'll find the murder who criminalized him!"