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Joke of the Day
"what did the locomotive conductor crave once he became a zombie? traaaiins..."
Next Joke
"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."
"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."
"What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president? Weekend at Bernie's."
"What's green and eats nuts... Syphilis."
"I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits."
"Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom."
"Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want"
"I was masturbating, looked up and saw my mom standing there. I was really freaked out. Because she died 6 years ago."
"I'm not racist... I own a color tv!"