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Joke of the Day

"People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses."

"I'd try Taco Bell's breakfast but I don't start drinking that early."

"My ex has made me dinner.. *gives a bit to the dog first*"

"Did you hear about the Mexican killer that owned trains? He had loco-motives"

"What idiot called it jousting and not poker knight?"

"Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher. One guy accidentally fires at his friend's crotch. His friend falls to the ground and screams, ""MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"""

"Wearing contact lenses for the first time. My vision's gone from YouTube to Blu-Ray."

"Woops! Accidentally hit ""reply all"" when I only meant to tell one co-worker to kill himself."

"Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used Condom hanging off your dick... Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started."

"Why is the letter ""O"" everywhere? Because it's a round U."