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Joke of the Day

"(Original) did you know that if you squeeze one of your balls hard enough you'll cum? Because sooner or later you'll bust a nut"

"So apparently the Phillies aren't serving beer this year... They lost the opener Stupid but its an Uncle joke so I had to"

"Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!"

"My girlfriend was very proud of this one. What does cats and festival attendees have in common? They both love using the toilet right after it's been cleaned."

"In was in a bar the other day. The barman said ""I see your glass is empty. Do you want another one?"" Why the fuck would I want 2 empty glasses?"

"What is ""The Fonz's"" favorite breakfast? Eeeeeeeeeeggs"

"Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences? Because there is a lot of reposting to do."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold."

"Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years."

"Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. ""I'm Bruce Willis"" he says. The parrot repeats it. ""yeah right"" Bruce says, but is secretly worried"