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Joke of the Day

"Simba was going too slow, so I told him to Mufasa."

"What do you call a squashed Italian? A Nepalitano. Oh yeah - wait a sec - OK - for the low-info crowd here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napolitano"

"I saw a blind person skydiving today Man, what a jerk. Scaring his poor dog like that..."

"Trivia Crack is much safer than regular crack, but it will still tear your family apart."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man who is dangerously allergic to fish a fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course I've had this cold in my head for two days !"

"If April showers bring May flowers... then May flowers bring Pilgrims."

"How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"Netflix: we are the top online streaming service. Best in the world. Me: can I rewind 10 seconds without ruining everything? Netflix: no"

"What's the difference between a job and a wife? After 10 years, a job still sucks!"