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Joke of the Day
"If April showers bring May flowers... then May flowers bring Pilgrims."
Next Joke
"A guy did squats at a talent show... He called it a stand up routine."
"Every time you put on a jean jacket your middle name changes to ""jean jacket"" on your birth certificate."
"I just found out that people can still read words when they're in parentheses and holy shit do I have a bunch of apologies to write."
"Nostalgia Sure isn't what it used to be."
"Knock Knock ...who's there? Smell mop Smell mop who?"
"Wife just changed her Facebook status to ""It's complicated."" Better go see what she wants."
"Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny."
"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine"
"""You are what you eat""? I don't remember eating a giant disappointment."