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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't galactus consume the milky way? He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry."

"I would be a bad fish. Fishermen would be like, ""omg i'm so ugly"" and I'd take the bait and disagree, instead of swimming away."

"How would you call Hitler if he was a musician ? DJ Nocide."

"I spend more time pretend talking into bananas than I do real talking into my cellphone."

"I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they're set on shuffle."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."

"Why is Santa Claus always a man? Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion."

"Your cough sounds much better this morning? It should. I've been practicing all night!"

"Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef!"

"Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like ""the light is red!"" and ""don't text and drive!"" and ""oh god, I think that was a person!"""