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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when a Chemistry teacher dies ? Barium"

"At a bathroom line. ''Can I go before you? I really need to number two'' ''No, I was here before you and I need to go as well''. ''I swear I need to go more than you''. ''You're so full of shit''."

"Three Tampons. Three tampons are walking down the street. One is light flow, one medium flow, and one heavy flow. Which one says hi to you? None, they are all stuck up cunts."

"What Were Mussolini's Secret Police Called? The Gazpacho"

"Funny how the more out-of-shape someone is, the more likely they are to refer to their favorite sports team as ""we."""

"I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne."

"What does a cue ball and a mexican have in common? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out out of them."

"I'm against vaccination! Vaccines save lives and I'm against overpopulation!"

"I was talking to some insects about my feet. I think they're pretty big, but mosquitos think they're bite-sized."

"I love my kids but sometimes I wish the school bus would pick them up at 4:30 p.m. on Sunday."