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Joke of the Day

"A joke one of my friends told me. ""Hey_____ do you know how I like my men""? ""umm no"". ""Like I like my coffee hot,black and will keep me up all night""."

"I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger."

"cats are the best because you can pet one while you're talking to someone and look totally evil"

"I said I was sorry three times looking in the mirror and now I'm in Canada"

"What's the difference between a Pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters? I don't know man I just fly the drones"

"Rhodes Scholars are book smart... but road scholars are street smart."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side."

"Two protons walk into a black hole..."

"There are two secrets in life The first is ""Never tell anyone everything you know"""

"I just lost 130 pounds of useless fat, that was sucking the life out of me I got a divorce"