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Joke of the Day

"Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning."

"It's like Nabisco doesn't even care their Birthday Cake Oreos will wreck my ass."

"To me, God will always be that guy that could've made Pokemon or Star Wars real but instead was all like, ""Nah bruh, malaria and AIDS."""

"I didn't flan on getting divorced and now my wife wants custardy and she's pudding our kids in the middle :("

"Jennifer Aniston's dance scenes as a stripper in ""We're The Miller's"" are totally Oscar worthy. Oscar is my nickname for my penis."

"What do men do after orgasm? 1% Do it again 1% Go Smoking 1% Fall Asleep 97% Clear History EDIT: Punctuation"

"So..... That thing on top ""i"" So the little dot on top of the letter i has a name.... You"

"I told my ex she was cross between a rare coin and female dog. A two faced bitch."

"Did you hear about the porn star who got jizz in her eye during a scene? She didn't see that one coming."

"Why couldn't the mayonnaise kethup? Cuz he musturd."