5849

Joke of the Day

"Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!! Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!"

"Friday night. Gonna put on my dancing shoes, throw on my coolest shirt, and aimlessly browse Netflix for an hour"

"I always go the extra mile, which is why I was fired from Uber."

"My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"I'd like to propose a toast... To burning bread. Will you marry me?"

"""Can I axe you something?"" is actually grammatically correct, if you're a polite lumberjack"

"Dear Father Christmas could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic baker who advertised a job vacancy? He got no customers because his sign said, ""Looking for staff, a pie within."""

"Math is sad. It takes hours to try to prove your point, but only one counterexample to destroy everything. Much like my marriage."