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Joke of the Day

"Hey ladies, if you don't want me staring at your tattoos, maybe you should lock your front door before showering."

"Why should I excuse your dear aunt Sally? Her operations were not unprecedented."

"You know how rich people prefer Bose, Bang & Olufsen and Marantz? That's just a stereotype."

"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"

"How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know either, I walked out early too."

"What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer? Thanks, Obama."

"What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction has loads of cake in it? A denom-nom-nominator!"

"The bottle said to apply liberally So I bitched and complained the whole time I used it."

"life hack #1 never poop before work even if u are about to shit yourself on the way cuz that just means u get one more break"

"I don't even like sleep, it's just the only way I can eat spiders"