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Joke of the Day

"The bottle said to apply liberally So I bitched and complained the whole time I used it."

"Why did the illegal latinos all fail their English classes? They didn't turn in their eses."

"Different ways to say ""NO"": German: Nein Russian: Niej Arabic: La Women: Yes, but ..."

"I can't stop watching myself on this Walgreens surveillance monitor. Crazy how the camera adds 40 pounds and a limp!"

"*posts selfie with full makeup and 3 filters* Caption: I'm so sick, I feel like dog crap & I look sooooo gross"

"Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?"

"My wife asked me to go down to the shop to pick up six cans of sprite... When I got to the checkout I realized I accidentally picked 7-up."

"What is the healthiest college? Rice"

"Les Miserables was pretty good but I wish I'd had some kind of warning that everyone in it would be so unhappy."

"I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile."